My past has paid a visit

Dear globalcounselor,

A man with whom  I have  had an  intimate relationship that ended terribly, because violence was involved,  has made contact lately. This is after 20 years of silence. I must say I have never forgotten him. I have never had a relationship like the one I had with him on both the good and the bad fronts. At the time of our last meeting, I was so angry, I wished him dead. I thought I hated him but when I heard his voice over the phone three weeks ago, my heart melted like a teenager.   He invited me to dinner and it is strange how easily I accepted and agreed and met with him.  The first meeting was strained as we try to get over the bridge of the past. Since then we have had coffee a couple of times and even though these meetings are not anything like those of the past, I find myself looking forward to his calls. I am so afraid that I am being drawn into this man’s web again. He has caused me so much pain that I am surprised that I have succumbed so easily to his wiles again. Am I being foolish. Can a person ever change?

Foolish

Dear Foolish,

We all change with time. If we do not change of our own accord, time changes us. With age comes all kinds of illnesses and challenges that we are forced to make changes to adapt. Maybe you have allowed time to remove the hatred and anger you had towards this individual and that is a good thing. When you carry around anger and hatred towards another, you are hurting yourself and bringing yourself down and allowing the abuse to continue through your own thoughts. 

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, foolish or stupid.  As humans we need affection and to interact with others and if you find some joy or comfort in seeing this man, that’s alright but you are wiser now and if you use your wisdom correctly then I do not think you will allow the same kinds of mistakes to happen.  Trust yourself, be open and expect the best of the other.  If something does not feel right listen to that feeling and respond to what you feel and see not what you are told and you will be fine.