Tag Archives: born-again

Religious differences creating problems for me

Dear globalcounselor,

 I am 26 year old and was raised by Baha’i parents. I am not a practicing Baha’i though I believe in the principles of the Faith. It is the only Faith I know, having gone to Baha’i classes and stuff like that when I was a child. But I have listened to some other religious views and I find them quite arcane. I believe the Baha’i faith has the most common sense approach to religion and its principles of Oneness, Unity in Diversity, equality of men and women etc. are all what is needed today and what’s happening. I met a boy who has all the qualifications I needed for a boyfriend, he is smart, kind, respectful and generous but he belongs to the evangelical religion and he is very excited about it and very much involved. He believes in the literal story of Adam and Eve and against homosexuality etc. He is very conservative in his thinking. I find that a problem. He does not see it as a problem. In conversations, his reference point for most ideas comes from the Bible and I’m getting weary of it. Sometimes I feel I should be happy I have found such an upright, clean type of person who does not drink or smoke and sits on a high moral ground. Do you think I am being too rigid or discriminatory or something like that? Please give me your perspective? Undecided

Dear Undecided:

Religion and politics are two areas that people usually have strong emotional attachment to. The beliefs we hold in these areas govern our day to day lives whether we are aware of it or not. I think you have already determined that the relationship would not work out since you are so far apart in your religious beliefs. What kind of a relationship do you foresee if your partner is kept busy with church activities while you remain at home or do something else with other friends? How would you feel when he counters an argument with quotes from the Bible? How would you feel if when you are with friends he comes out with Bible quotes in conversations? Love will not help you unless you are open to giving the religion that he practices a chance. Evangelicals tend to interpret the Bible arguments or discussions will end? Someone may get hurt and or frustrated. I think unless you can honestly compromise your religious beliefs or non-beliefs, the relationship will not be a happy one. Walk away now.

Religion and friendship

Dear globalcounselor:

I am a 17 year old African Canadian girl. My best friend for the past four years is a 17 year old Nigerian-Canadian girl. We did everything together, we attend the same school, played basketball together, watched movies at each others homes on the weekend, went shopping and joked around a lot. About four months ago, my girlfriend accepted the Lord as her Saviour. She became a born again Christian and since then she has been a pain in the neck. She is not fun to be with anymore. Every word that comes out of her mouth is about God. Instead of going to the movies, she wants me to go to Church with her. She has missed basketball practices because of church activities. I am fed up. I miss our old friendship a lot and I feel lonely because she was my best friend.  But I find that I do not want to answer her phone calls anymore because every second word is about God. I am a Christian too but not so anal about it. How can I save our friendship without getting into a big showdown about her holier-than-thou righteousness.

Holier

Dear Holier:

Give your friend some time to get over the honeymoon phase of her acceptance of Christ. She feels she has found something good and wants to share it with you. Because you are friends she wants you to be on the same side.  If she is super serious about her Christianity, the nature of your friendship may change permanently because people tend to gravitate towards those who are most like themselves i.e. those who share similar beliefs. Being a member of  the born again Christian community  can also be taxing on its members. It has a way of keeping its members fully occupied with programs and activities to which you may not be privy to. 

In the meantime, you have to have a heart to heart talk with your friend to let her know that you are not interested in turning your conversations into a religious sermon and that if the friendship is to continue she would have to stop trying to change you into a born again Christian.  You need to extend your circle of friends so that you are not so dependent on this one friend.