I am a 45-year-old black professional woman, married to an engineering professor who is white. We have three beautiful children. My mother-in-law frequents our home all the time. my husband happens to be her favourite son. I find myself resenting her visits and not wanting to see her. I feel this heavy pain in my chest whenever he announces that mom is coming for dinner. I can’t seem to forget that when her son had first invited me home to dinner I was not impressed with her welcome and as he started to get serious about our relationship, she was besides herself. She tried everything in the book to break us up e.g. inviting other more “suitable”girls to dinner with the family hoping he would lose interest in his black girlfriend. But we were in love and eloped. Although she cannot come between us now, I still carry a grudge towards her. I see her as a racist and I have a problem with racists. My husband has asked my forgiveness on his mother’s behalf because he told me flatly he can never turn his back on his mother and I should try to get over old feelings. I feel stuck.
I have to agree with your husband’s advice. How heavy that burden of hatred, resentment, anger must be. You have carried it for far too long. Don’t you think it’s time to let it down? To carry around any of these negative values impacts you not your mother in law. Forgiveness is about choosing to free yourself from the past; your anger, resentment and dislike for your mother-in-law. These feelings you carry around are your own, your mother in law may be oblivious to them. They take away from your joy of life. Choose happiness and freedom for yourself by choosing to let go of your resentments and let love in, you will be a happier person and a happier wife for it. If you need help, meditate and pray or seek professional help.