Tag Archives: Pakistani

My boyfriend wants to break up with me because his parents do not like me

Dear globalcounselor,

I am  a 16 year old Black girl from Africa.  My boyfriend is 17 years old Pakistani Canadian.  We met in school and fell in love and have been seeing each other for the past year.  recently, he stopped calling and was avoiding me at school.  I caught up with him and asked him what I did, why was he avoiding me. He said he was busy with school and have a lot of stuff on his mind. I did not accept that because if he had a lot of stuff he would have told me so as he did in the past so I pressed him to level with me, I can handle it. He then told me that his parents did not like the fact that he was going out with a girl from a different race and that he should stop it now before it gets out of hand.  I could not believe what I was hearing. I felt so terrible and hurt inside. Was it because I am black? Would they have said the same thing if he had a white girlfriend, though of a different race?  I could not help feeling so bad about myself.  He apologized and said maybe some day and that if it was any consolation, he said he could not love anyone more than he loved me but he had to listen to his mother. That it is just the way the culture works.  I didn’t know what to say. I just walked away and started to cry.

So sad.

Dear So sad,

Chin up, it’s not the end of the world. It’s an encounter with racism and discrimination. There are some cultures who do not want their children to intermarry with anyone least of all with a black person.  Your boyfriend happens to be traditional in that he listens to the dictates of his parents and perhaps one day they will return to India or Pakistan and find a nice girl from him from a similar background. Whether he is in love with her or not is not of importance.  Not all cultures place a high premium on romantic love.  Some cultures like the Pakistani culture believe in arranged marriage.  I hope that one day people will come to embrace Canadian multiculturalism fully and break  down barriers such as the one facing you and your boyfriend.  You will grow from this experience and unfortunately learn about the racism and ethnocentrism that are still with us.  You are young and just beginning to explore relationship, there is the perfect person for you out there and he will show up at the right time.  Good luck with your future relationship.

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Benazir Bhutto

Dear globalcounselor,

When I heard of the assassination of Mrs. Bhutto, my heart skipped a beat. I am from Pakistani background and this family has been at the heart of our political life for as long as I can remember.  Mrs. Bhutto’s dad was also a prime minister and he was charged with corruption and sentenced and was hanged. Another brother was also killed. Mrs. Bhutto was living a comfortable life in Dubai but she returned home as if she had to. Life is very peculiar. I cannot understand it but I think some people are born for certain things and a fate that they cannot escape. I am sure she knew that her life would be in jeopardy but she chose to return because she sees the Pakistani people as her people and could not sit comfortably in another country while her people suffer under the foolish men that are trying to run the country amok. I think perhaps she waited until her children were old enough and before finishing the job she came for.  This is the only interpretation that makes sense to me and make me feel a little better. Mrs. Bhutto does not know me, does not even know I exist but I hold her so close in my heart that her death is like the death of my own mother. Why is that?

Lost

Dear Lost,

I too was shaken by this woman’s assassination. You are right, some of us are called to walk a certain path and perhaps Mrs. Bhutto was or she had something to prove. Sometimes our own egos get the better of us.  I am not suggesting that it was her ego. I truly feel she was trying to finish her father’s work and she was quite prepared to give her life for that. She was a determined, strong leader with a feeling for the ordinary people it seems.  Feeling as sad and lost as you are is natural.  She was your leader and we do come to feel about our leaders as we do our parents and in a way they are because they work to make our lives better, they say they care what happens to us and so we look up to them. When they are taken so suddently it leaves us feeling lost.

Take time to grieve your loss, time will heal your sadness.