Tag Archives: Jealousy

Worried about my dad

Worried about my dad

Dear globalcounselor,

I am 18 years old and I have been raised by my wonderful dad as a single parent ever since my mother died  when I was only 4 years old. My dad never remarried and as far as I know never had a girlfriend. He committed himself to looking after me and my two other sibling brothers who are older than me. My dad was our biggest cheer-leader and he is my best friend. I could talk to my dad like I would talk to a mother. He has been there, taking me to school on the bus, taking me with him shopping, taking me to gym classes and other extracurricular activities. I never once thought of him as a man. It was difficult for him when I brought home my boyfriend. It was something new for him and he scolded me in the ways of boys. Recently I lashed out at him when he tried to stop me from going out with my boyfriend. He thought I was seeing too much of this boy and I don’t think he likes the fact that my boyfriend is white. We are Ethiopians and with strong cultural ties to Ethiopia. He even made sure I spoke our mother tongue Amharic. In my anger, I told my dad to get a life and stop worrying about me. He turned to me and said  I think you’re right, I should get a life and get a wife now. You are all grown up and I promised your mother I would take care of our children  and she was able to die in peace. I apologized to my dad but I know I have disrespected my dad and I feel so bad. Something broke. Then, a month of so later, he started dressing up and going out and coming in later. I suspected that he may have found a girlfriend. Last week he brought an Ethiopian woman home and introduced her to us as a friend. She is no  stranger, we’ve seen her in the community. My brothers seem to like her but I find myself wishing she would go away and leave my dad alone. I don’t think she is good enough for my dad and worst of all I feel that I have pushed my dad away and into the arms of this woman who I feel is only going to come and complicate our lives and take my dad for all he has. My dad is accountant and we’re not doing too badly off. How can I let my dad know that this woman is not right for him.

Guilty

Dear Guilty,

Thank you for sharing your story but my answer is short and hopefully sweet. Leave your dad alone. He is a grown man and from your description of him he has been a great dad. He’s done what a lot of men would not do so be grateful he’s seen you through your most critical years. He is your father but he also is a man and he has needs. Let him be. I am sure if he finds out that this woman is incompatible with him he’would know what to do.  Be happy for him. With regards to your little hissy fit, most parents are resilient to their children’s insults and maybe that was indeed a wake up call for him to realize he could not live his life through his children but ought to get on with his own. He must be thanking you for that in his heart. It sounds like you and your dad has an easy rapport, so if after a while you can be objective about your dad’s relationship (let’s face it you must be a little jealous of another woman coming into your dad’s life – and that’s normal in these circumstances)  and if you see something that worries you, I am sure you can talk to your dad and maybe he will clarify things for you.  What a lucky girl you are to have had a father as you described. He is one special dad

Betrayal causes heartache

Dear global counselor,

I am tearing up with guilt because I betrayed my girlfriend. She has this cute boyfriend who really likes her and he thinks she’s so special. He always says nice things about her to me and my friends. He thinks she is so great. My boyfriend does the opposite, sometimes I think he doesn’t care about me. I am jealous of my girlfriend. I asked her boyfriend if he would think she is so special if I told him she had an abortion two years ago. He was stunned; he looked like a lost dog and I felt my stomach hurt.

I begged him not to tell my girlfriend, to keep it a secret. “Why are you doing this?” he asked me. I thought you guys were friends,” he added and walked away.

I feel like a rat. I feel so horrible inside I cannot begin to tell you how much I wish I had kept my mouth shut, how much I wished I was not so jealous of my best friend.Most of all I feel ashamed of myself and sad because I know I have lost some important people who were in my life.

Please help me

Rat

Dear Rat,

Jealous is said to be one of the deadly sins. You’ve said it yourself, you have betrayed a friend and most of all you’ve betrayed yourself – the good part of you. You’re a good person who gave in to your lower self.

There is nothing that is beyond repair although some repairs take longer than others. This one might be one of those.

Because your boyfriend does not pay you the compliments that your girlfriend boyfriend does that made you jealous.

You misplaced your anger from your boyfriend and placed it on your friend.

Perhaps you might want to rethink your relationship with this boyfriend of yours. If he is not meeting your needs, find someone who does.

Remember when you gossip about othersyou’re hurting yourself, you’re showing yourself to be someone who likes to gossip and thereby putting yourself down. Give in sometime and confess to your friend and ask for her forgiveness.

I’m tired of my overjealous boyfriend

Dear globalcounselor,

I work in advertising. My job is to find clients and get them to advertise in the newspaper I work for. I meet lots of business people, a lot of males in the course of my day. My current boyfriend knew what I did when we began dating.  We’re six months into dating and now my job is the problem. He calls me all the time and wants to know what I am doing and with whom – name and everything. Sometimes I am in my car driving from one appointment to the next and he’d be phoning wanting to know where I was, at what corner and when I’d be home and this sort of ridiculousness.  He is someone I care about and I found myself adjusting my behaviour to please him and then be mad with myself when I do not make enough sales. I work on Commission basis.  I broke up with him a few times only to be persuaded by him to make up. Everytime he said he would change but it wouldn’t be long before he returns to his old ways.  What can I do to help my boyfriend change his ways.  He is not independently wealthy to keep me. I have to work to take care of my needs.

Help me

Dear help me,

Your boyfriend has trust issues.  He is insecure in the relationship and feels that you might meet someone better than he is who would take you away from him. He does not have much self-confidence in himself and so he feels that by monitoring you, he can keep you in control. He feels he is doing this because he loves you but love does not know jealousy.  When you love someone you trust them and you have to be prepared to let the person go if you should fall out of love. People who cannot handle break ups are the ones who are so desperate to hold on to what they’ve got so tightly that the squeeze all the life of the relationship.

Have a talk with him and find out what he is afraid of?  Perhaps point him to some relationship counselling because if he continues the way he is going this relationship will not last. He will lose you.  Ask your boyfriend to stop his suspicious ways and assure him that you are faithful and that you love him and what the consequence would be if he continues. Good luck.