Tag Archives: single parent

Giving up my child for adoption

Dear globalcounselor,

I am 18 years old and have a two year old son. I love him dearly but I cannot give him the life he deserves. I am on social assistance and trying to go back to school to study nursing. I think if I keep my son, I will not be able to achieve success because it will be too hard for me. I feel so confined all the time, taking care of him and not having any fun.  Sometimes I cry a lot feeling pity for myself. My folks will not help me because my son was born out of wedlock and they say I have to learn my lesson. They do not want to have anything with me or their grandson. They said they are afraid to get close because he may be  have ADD since I did a bit of drugs when I was pregnant. I wish I could undo all the bad things I did but I can’t and my son is beautiful and he should not pay for my wrong doings. I am thinking of putting him up for adoption so that he could have a good life.  It is hard, I will miss him but I think it’s for the best. Do you think I am a horrible person, do you think I am making the right decision?

Torn up Inside

 

Dear Torn up Inside,

You are not a horrible person, you are not a bad person but you are a thinking responsible human being. You are trying to find the best way to resolve what you see as a bad situation. You want a better life but feels that with a child to raise by yourself this may not be possible. Giving up your son is a heroic thing to do. It is very difficult to raise a child as a single young person.  It is also very emotionally difficult to give up a child.  Once you give him up you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Maybe it might make you feel better to ensure that the home that he goes into will be a loving one, and with a family who really wants a child to complete their home. There are so many women who cannot give birth but badly wants to be a mother. You can give this gifts but I would strongly advise you to seek some supportive counseling, talk this through before making the final decision. Giving a child a good home is the responsibility of a mother and you are trying to do that. That’s not a bad thing.

 

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I feel sad all of the time

Dear globalcounselor,

I know you can’t help me but I am going to tell you my story anyway.  I am a 15 year old girl. I live with my mom. My dad left when we were little. I have 10 year old brother. It was not my mom’s fault but sometimes I still blame her in my heart.  My dad used to slap her around and one time she called the police on him and he said that was it, any woman who going get the police involved in our private family matter is no woman for him.  When he left he told me that I could blame my mom for what happens.

My mom is good. She works two jobs but still we are poor. I feel sad for her, sad for myself and my brother.  Sometimes I start crying for no reason at all.  I am s ad because we are poor and I can’t get the things I want. I feel bad when I tell my friends they can’t come over to my house. I lie because I don’t want them to know how poor we are. I feel like a liar and a loser.  How can I feel better, what can I do?

Loser

Dear loser,

First of all being poor is no reason to be ashame. There are lots of people in the world who are poor.  Not because you are poor you cannot have a nice home.  It is love that makes the home nice, okay. All you have to do is to help your mother keep in clean and from what you are telling me she is working herself to the bones for you children. Show some respect and sympathy for your mom.

   Secondly, at your age, I understand how these things affect you but I will give you this piece of advice. Find a place you can volunteer, maybe a drop in centre for youths, a shelter for the homeless, or help new comers and refugees in the area.  Doing something for others might make you feel better about yourself and appreciate all that you have.

    If you still feel sad and cries all the time, I think you should talk to your mother or your school counselor because there may be more to it that meets the eye.   You have a right and a responsibility to be happy my child.

     Remember it’s no one making you unhappy but you. It is your thoughts that is making you unhappy. Flip the coin and change your thoughts, look for the bright side of your situation. Your mom is safe, she is no longer being abused and you are safe. You have a home and clothes and food and you go to school. You have a lot to the thankful for.