Tag Archives: Chinese

Prejudice hurts

Dear globacounselor,

I am a 15 year old Black boy. Yesterday while listening to CBC  there was a program called Mash-up and a Chinese girl said that when she asked her mother whether she would prefer her to bring her a blackman or a Chinese woman as a partner, her mother said she would prefer her to bring home the woman. Why do people hate Black people so much, what have Black people done everybody to hate us so. I feel so discouraged at times. How can we change people’s prejudice. It looks like everybody hates Black people.

Discouraged

Dear discouraged:

Prejudice hurts.  I do not think we could ever erase prejudice though we can lessen it through education.   It’s only recently Chinese people are exposed to Blacks. China was until recently a closed society, not many people go there. Recently I met a Black African man who is married to Chinese woman and they have a child. He speaks Cantonese and Mandarin. He lived in China for 10 years. The world is changing so and people are changing too. The negative stereotypes about Blacks were by and large started by Europeans who wanted to justify enslaving Blacks by spreading false information that Blacks are lazy, dumb and inhuman.  That’s not true, Blacks have achieved a lot in a short time. Blacks are everywhere  – doctors, lawyers, actors, inventors, musicians and perhaps soon to be the President of USA. Don’t be discouraged, be the best Black boy you can be and a role model for others. There are lots of people out there who respect blacks. Not everyone will like you but don’t worry about them, concern yourself with those who like you and you will be alright and don’t waste any energy trying to hate anyone. That only end up hurting you. Walk upright and proud of who you are because no one is better than anyone.

Advertisements

Too small to handle

Dear globalcounselor,

I am a 35 year old woman of Chinese descent. I am very small boned and a bit delicate. I have the body of a young girl.  I met my husband while he was teaching English in China. I was in his class. We started dating soon after we met. We have been married for about 10 years. We have no children. My husband is 55 years old.

Recently my husband has been treating me very badly. He does not want to take me anywhere and he hardly makes love to me. When I challenged him he said that I should put on some weight. I look like a little girl and he feels “ikky” making love to me because he feels as if he is being a dirty old man.

I cannot change myself, globalcounselor, does this mean I have to leave my husband. This is the way God made me. I don’t think I can every get fatter or bigger. I am very sad and hurt.  I think some European men are fascinated by Chinese women because of our size and exotic looks but they soon get tired of us and want to treat us like dirt. It is not fair.  What should I do?

Small

Dear Small,

It is hurtful when someone demands that you change to make it easier for them to like you especially when you are asked to change the unchangeable. It sounds to me it is more than just your size that is creating difficulties in your marriage. I suggest that you first seek professional counselling to get to the root of what’s troubling your husband.  If that does not work you have a choice. You can continue living in this toxic and culturally abusive relationship or  you can leave him. You do not have to live this way. To continue feeling so devalued will eventually eat away at your self esteem and your self.  You are a young woman and could still meet the man of your dreams. I must add not all European men are like your husband but all abusive men are like him. They devalue, put you down and find fault with you in order to make them feel better.  This is abuse and abuse is violence. Stop it.