Tag Archives: friendship

Pet comes between friendship

Pet peeve:

Recently my very good friend bought a dog.  At first she treated the dog like a typical dog and she left him home by himself when we had to go for coffee. In the past few weeks my friend has become more attached to this little dog and cannot seem to go anywhere without it.  She wants to take him in restaurants and when she is ordered out with the dog she calls the waiters stupid and feels very offended.  I tried to talk to her about separating herself from the dog. People do not even carry their little babies everywhere like that. She just don’t get it.

I moved into my new apartment and bought my new rug and my friend came over to see my apartment and without even asking me brought the dog over. As soon as I saw the dog I felt violated but I thought I put up with it for this one time. She told me the dog was trained but the dog peed on my new carpet and I was mad as hell. She started yelling at the dog and I felt that was unfair to the dog since it’s what dogs do, they are not human beings.  The next thing she did was to take down one of my bowls to feed the dog water and I told her promptly that she could take the bowl as I would never eat out of a bowl that is used for a dog and she was offended.  I asked her not to bring the dog back to the house because it’s not something that I like at all.  My friend was shocked and hurt because ot if but I felt if we are to continue our friendship I had to be honest.  Do you think I did the right thing. My friend appears to be giving me the cold treatment.

Addicted to dog

Dear Addicted to dog,

Your friend will get over it if she is a friend as you say. You did the right thing by being honest. Your friend had no right taking such liberties such as bringing her dog over to your apartment especially as it appears you do not have any pets and reaching into your cup board to take your good bowl to feed her dog – how rude!

  Pet lovers must have consideration for those who do not share their passion and if they can’t well it’s natural someone has to tell them in plain language to get lost with their pet.

 

Pet Peeved

Recently my very good friend bought a dog.  At first she treated the dog like a typical dog and she left him home by himself when we had to go for coffee. In the past few weeks my friend has become more attached to this little dog and cannot seem to go anywhere without it.  She wants to take him in restaurants and when she is ordered out with the dog she calls the waiters stupid and feels very offended.  I tried to talk to her about separating herself from the dog. People do not even carry their little babies everywhere like that. She just don’t get it.

I moved into my new apartment and bought my new rug and my friend came over to see my apartment and without even asking me brought the dog over. As soon as I saw the dog I felt violated but I thought I put up with it for this one time. She told me the dog was trained but the dog peed on my new carpet and I was mad as hell. She started yelling at the dog and I felt that was unfair to the dog since it’s what dogs do, they are not human beings.  The next thing she did was to take down one of my bowls to feed the dog water and I told her promptly that she could take the bowl as I would never eat out of a bowl that is used for a dog and she was offended.  I asked her not to bring the dog back to the house because it’s not something that I like at all.  My friend was shocked and hurt because ot if but I felt if we are to continue our friendship I had to be honest.  Do you think I did the right thing. My friend appears to be giving me the cold treatment.

Addicted to dog

Dear Addicted to dog,

Your friend will get over it if she is a friend as you say. You did the right thing by being honest. Your friend had no right taking such liberties such as bringing her dog over to your apartment especially as it appears you do not have any pets and reaching into your cup board to take your good bowl to feed her dog – how rude!

  Pet lovers must have consideration for those who do not share their passion and if they can’t well it’s natural someone has to tell them in plain language to get lost with their pet.

I hate my manipulative friends

Dear globalcounselor,

I recently ended my relationship with a girlfriend who I found to be dishonest and manipulative.  I was hurt badly in this relationship because I trusted her but I was betrayed. The problem is my friend does not appear to understand my reasons for ending the relationship.  It is as if she is incapable of grasping the truth or understanding the difference between truth and lie. I think she is so accustomed to fudging the truth that she now believes her own lies.  I discovered she was lying to me all along to manipulate me to give her things and pay for her bills.  All along she was using the money to buy drugs.  I feel used and abused and looking back now, I have to ask myself, how could I have been so blind.  I feel dumb and terribly betrayed.  She is now crying and want us to continue being friends. She cannot understand why a little lie should come between us. She has no conscience.  She offers no apology, she does not appear to be sorry for her behaviour, well I do not need someone like that around me.

Gone

Dear Gone,

I think you’ve made a wise decision.  When something is not working for you, the best thing to do is leave it alone.  Your friend has to recognize the errors of her ways and until she does, she will not see any need to change and nothing you can say or do will make her see. So move on and cut your losses. There are many more friends to meet. You are not dumb, you are an honest person and you judge others by your standards. Be careful next time but don’t compromise your standard.

Blast from the past

Dear globalcounselor,

Recently I bumped into an old flame I dated way back in high school. I am now in my mid-forties.  I’m talking a few years here. But it so happens we are both single again. Both of us have been married to other people and have four children between us.  We exchanged phone numbers and have been talking a lot lately.  I find that I am drawn to this man again. I am not sure if it is love or just loneliness. I’ve been separated for about 6 years and I’m now ready to date again. I don’t want to make a mistake and I don’t want to give my old boyfriend any ideas. I like the fact that we talk on the phone and I look forward to his phone calls. Any advice on how to proceed here?

Unsure

Dear Unsure,

There is always something comforting about familiarity. Loneliness on the other hand can wreak havoc on our lives and lead us to make unwise decisions.

  I am sure both you and your old flame are quite different people now.  Your life experiences would have changed you for good or bad.  I think the best way to see if this connection is anything other than simple friendship is to be open and honest about the way things are.  There is no harm in a few dates and spending time together with an open mind.  If there is something real and you both think it is worth a shot, why not?  But whatever you do create a love relationship to fill the void  of your loneliness.   There is a good chances that will not sustain the relationship. You mayl end up spoiling a good friendship.  Having a good friend can be quite satisfying.  Make sure you start a love relationship for the right reason.

Friendship of Convenience

Dear globalcounselor,

As I write this letter I feel hurt and relieved at the same time. I am hurt because I’ve parted ways from one of my long time friend. Hurt because I realize that my friend never valued me as a friend just as someone who is available at her convenience.

Throughout my life I suffered from low self-esteem. Who wouldn’t growing up as a strict Catholic as I did.   I met my friend when our children were both little and remained friends over the years. I now realized that the only reason we remained friends for more than 20 years was because I always did what she wanted and never stood up for myself with her. Recently when she asked me to do her a favour and I refused explaining that I was going through a rough patch and needed to take care of some family problems. I should mention that she had emailed me her request and I emailed her back my answer.   Having confided in her some of my problems and how I felt depressed, she never called or emailed me back asking me how I was doing.  I had to face what I knew all along. If my friend could not get her way then it’s the highway.  That’s not friendship.  I felt good that finally I could say no to my friend because I feel better about myself. Sometimes I’m tempted to be the bigger person and call and another voice in me says leave it alone. What do you think?

Undecided

Dear Undecided

If I were you I would listen to the voice that says leave it alone. Isn’t 20 years of pain not enough? Why would you want to tempt fate.  Your friend will be the same with you if you should call her. Leave her to herself and if she recognizes the error of her ways and value your friendship and miss it she will call and perhaps apologize.  True friendship is one of give and take; respect and consideration.  This appears not to be the case in this friendship.  It’s hard to let go of old friendships especially if we’re the sentimental type but sometimes things come to its natural end and we have to move on.