Tag Archives: cheater

I Cheated on my wife

Dear globalcounselor,

I have been married for 25 years and have a great marriage. I love my wife and children and they are the most important part of my life. Without them I will be nothing, there will be no joy in my life. My wife is my high school sweetheart and she is my best friend.  In spite of all that I have done the unthinkable and it weighs heavily on me. I don’t know where to turn. I bumped into this website so I thought since I can maintain my anonymity I’d give it a shot. I am a confused man. How could it have happened? I have cheated on my wife more than once in the past couple of months with a woman who I care about as well.  This woman, 10 years my junior,  is like a breath  of fresh air, she excites me  and my manhood that I thought could never happen again because my wife and I have slipped into that comfortable phase of our lives and exist  almost like room-mates. Our love for each other is that deep abiding love but not that passionate, not that arousing kind of lusty love. I am confused. I want to tell her what I have done but afraid it might change our relationships even end our marriage something I can’t even think about without tearing up inside.  The woman I’ve been with is a colleague – we are on the same Board of a charitable foundation and one thing led to another.  We were drawn to each other by some unseen force and I like what I feel with her but it can’t continue.  I have not been this alive in a long time and that part feels good. It feels like springtime again, love or lust is in the air and I am revelling in it as long as I can put my marriage out of my mind in that moment.

Sweet angst                  

Dear sweet angst,

You need to call Oprah or Dr. Phil right away because you’re in deep trouble. You sound as if you are going through some kind of mid-life crisis on the one hand and on the other hand you sound like someone who needs some attention as a man from your wife that you are not getting. Sometimes married couples stop behaving like partners and more like parents or good friends instead of lovers. You are both parents and partners and the partnership relationship must always be number one.  If you have the opportunity to go on a retreat with your wife at one of those encounter sessions that some churches organize I think that will be excellent. I have heard of good things about those encounter session where couples were able to connect with the story that brought them together in the first place. Others go on a  cruise.   Being on the ocean feeling carefree does put a bit of spark in a dying relationship.  I think your relationship is solid.  You must confess your sins to your wife in order to start on your new journey into your marriage. Your wife will forgive you if you forgive yourself and if you make it up to her in a big way.  Sometimes these extramarital crazy relationships are a wakeup call to what’s missing. You can fix it.  Your marriage can be stronger and more exciting f you want to.  What you did was wrong but it is not the end of the world, not if you use the lesson in it.

 

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My highschool flame wants to reframe

Dear globalcounselor,

I recently attended my 30th highschool reunion after much cajoling by some of my childhood friends. They thought it would be fun to see what we looked like after 30 years and what we have done with our lives. It was fun, we gals had a ball laughing and acting silly.  I also bumped into a childhood sweetheart, who I almost married but came to my senses just in time to know that it would not work as I did not like him very much. My parents loved him because he had ambition, came from a good family and was respectful.  I wanted to please my folks so I continued the relationship until I couldn’t.  We parted ways and he married to a wonderful woman and I to a jerk, a jerk I loved, who is now someone else’s jerk. Anyway I spoke to this ex and he said I looked great and that I was the one who got away for him. He said he had a strong marriage and three teenagers.  After the party was over, he kept calling me telling me he could not stop thinking about me.   At first I found it funny because I’m in a relationship with a man I adore and he had his wife.  He kept calling at odd times and then it was becoming annoying.  He was sounding like a teenager lusting after me. I asked him if his wife knew he was calling me and he said no.  I told him I didn’t think what he was doing is right and he should stop but the calls kept on coming.  I had to put my foot down and threatened to tell his wife if he did not stop calling me.  I also told him that I thought he was disrespectful to me by ignoring my wishes.  At the end he told me I was just as uptight as he remembered and perhaps we did make the right choice.  I was hurt and angry and felt like calling his wife but decided against it.  Do you think I should follow-up with that and tell him something really nasty?

Angry and hurt

Dear angry and hurt, you’ve already told him off and he gets it, leave him to stew in his pot and get on with your life and your relationship.  Obviously, you can see the type of husband you would have had, had you decided to marry him.  A cheater is always a cheater.  That’s who they are and what they do. Good for you for standing up to this man.

Cheating Spouse

Dear globalcounselor,

I am an African American woman 58 years old and I have a cheating husband. I have threatened to leave him, I have begged him to leave her but he keeps on disrespecting me by continuing his affair with a woman with whom he has a child.  I am willing to look the other way and welcome the child into our home but the woman must go. My husband does not seem capable of doing that. He keeps saying he will and always end up going back to her. He claims to love me and does not want to lose what he’s got with me but yet he cannot give up the woman.

Truth be told, I am a proud woman and I do not want to be another statistic of broken home. I pride myself in keeping my family together but he is wearing me down. I love my husband and we are good god faring people but he has this weakness.  Do I have to live with this for the rest of my life?

Fedup

Dear fedup

No you don’t. It’s totally up to you. Can you live like this and look the other way or is this situation making you sick?  It seems to me that your husband has broken a cardinal rule in your marriage. Not only has he been unfaithful he has been careless in allowing himself to father a child outside of the marriage. From what you told me this man does not intend to give up anything. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. If you allow this to go on, it will be forever or until the woman kicks him out. You can end it by giving him a ultimatum to give up the woman or you. It is a risk that he might do nothing or choose the other woman, are you prepared for that?  Or will your ego continue to get in the way of your self-esteem? Whatever you choose is a lose, lose situation unless you do something about it now. Good luck.