I have been married for 25 years and have a great marriage. I love my wife and children and they are the most important part of my life. Without them I will be nothing, there will be no joy in my life. My wife is my high school sweetheart and she is my best friend. In spite of all that I have done the unthinkable and it weighs heavily on me. I don’t know where to turn. I bumped into this website so I thought since I can maintain my anonymity I’d give it a shot. I am a confused man. How could it have happened? I have cheated on my wife more than once in the past couple of months with a woman who I care about as well. This woman, 10 years my junior, is like a breath of fresh air, she excites me and my manhood that I thought could never happen again because my wife and I have slipped into that comfortable phase of our lives and exist almost like room-mates. Our love for each other is that deep abiding love but not that passionate, not that arousing kind of lusty love. I am confused. I want to tell her what I have done but afraid it might change our relationships even end our marriage something I can’t even think about without tearing up inside. The woman I’ve been with is a colleague – we are on the same Board of a charitable foundation and one thing led to another. We were drawn to each other by some unseen force and I like what I feel with her but it can’t continue. I have not been this alive in a long time and that part feels good. It feels like springtime again, love or lust is in the air and I am revelling in it as long as I can put my marriage out of my mind in that moment.
Dear sweet angst,
You need to call Oprah or Dr. Phil right away because you’re in deep trouble. You sound as if you are going through some kind of mid-life crisis on the one hand and on the other hand you sound like someone who needs some attention as a man from your wife that you are not getting. Sometimes married couples stop behaving like partners and more like parents or good friends instead of lovers. You are both parents and partners and the partnership relationship must always be number one. If you have the opportunity to go on a retreat with your wife at one of those encounter sessions that some churches organize I think that will be excellent. I have heard of good things about those encounter session where couples were able to connect with the story that brought them together in the first place. Others go on a cruise. Being on the ocean feeling carefree does put a bit of spark in a dying relationship. I think your relationship is solid. You must confess your sins to your wife in order to start on your new journey into your marriage. Your wife will forgive you if you forgive yourself and if you make it up to her in a big way. Sometimes these extramarital crazy relationships are a wakeup call to what’s missing. You can fix it. Your marriage can be stronger and more exciting f you want to. What you did was wrong but it is not the end of the world, not if you use the lesson in it.