Tag Archives: women

I’m in love with an older woman

Dear globalcounselor,

I am a 20-year-old university student from Morocco and I find myself madly in love with a Canadian woman twice my age.  She is beautiful, gorgeous and she does not treat me like a younger person. She gives me respect.  She is smart.  We spend a lot of time together. She reached out to me during the first few months of being in Canada. She invited me to her apartment for dinner, took me to meet her family, just like a good friend. I  used to say she is like my mother but now I am sorry I said that because I am so attracted to her. I want to see her all the time. I think she is attracted to me too but scared because of the age difference. I need to be with this woman, how can I break through the barrier of age, how can I let her know that I love her and want to be with her more than a friend.

In love

Dear In-love,

Gratitude can sometimes be mistaken for love. Friendship can also be misconstrued for something deeper. While the age difference is significant  I’ve seen people transcend age to be together before and I don’t believe that age should be a limiting factor between consenting adults.  However be cautious, you would not want to spoil a good friendship if declaration of your love changes a perfectly great relationship.

I suggest you spend some time away from this person, give yourself a break to reflect on your feeling, it will also give her time to figure out if she cares about you more than a friend.  After about six weeks apart reevaluate your feeling, then be honest about feelings you are having for her making sure to tell her that you do not want to lose her friendship. If she is not interested, leave it alone for another couple of weeks without mentioning it again.  Perhaps you can try to date another woman.  If she was playing hard to get, she will be the one to reach out to you.  Sometimes it’s all a game.  Seriously, focus on your studies and go with the flow. Love will come your way another day if this does not work out.

 

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Self-hatred

Dear globalcounsellor,

I am  a 42 year old man in a wheelchair.  I had a terrible accident in my teens which left me handicapped. I have come to terms with my handicap and I am very independent. I have had several girlfriends all of whom are able-bodied women.  I love beautiful women and I have not had any trouble finding them just keeping them. They all say I am way too independent for them and do not leave room for partnerships.   That’s not my biggest problem, however. There is a woman, absolutely gorgeous woman who has been hitting me on the head to notice her and I have but I am ashamed to say that because she is in a wheelchair herself I do not want to go out with her. Globalcousellor, I am discriminating against women in wheelchair even though I am in a wheelchair myself. I just can’t find it in myself to go out with this woman or to even give her a chance. How can this be?

Ashamed

 Dear Ashamed:You are a conflicted person and you discriminate. You were able-bodied and your handicap has come about because of an accident. You probably feel superior to people in wheelchair who were perhaps born that way or became that way because of an illness. Yes, you are human and you have all the same biases as many able-bodied people have. You may be afraid to get to know this woman because you may fall in love with her and what would you do then? Besides you’ve had no problems getting able-bodied women to fall for you but your attitude is what drives them away.  Perhaps you are overcompensating for your disability. You want to prove something to the world that not because you are in a wheelchair that you need more help than the average Joe. Women love vulnerability. It one of the features women fall for in a guy and if you are going to be macho like the rest of then that might be a turn off and more trouble than it is worth to these women.  You have to humble yourself; put away your guard and act like a normal person not like a super normal and you might find you are able to sustain your relationship with women. With respect to your discrimination against women in wheelchair or with a disability you have to work on that you have to try to see past that wheelchair and to the woman in it and give her the same respect as you would a woman without a disability. Give her a chance if you like her, not out of pity. Get to know her better and leave yourself a little vulnerable. Chip away at the concrete wall you’ve put up around yourself and watch your life change for the better.