Tag Archives: hurting

My friend is mean

Dear globalcounselor,

My friend is very upsetting. Whenever she has a bad day she uses me as her dumping ground by putting me down and hurting me.  I do not enjoy her company anymore and wants to end our friendship.  We have been friends for a long, long time and  I hate to give that up because there is a sort of comfort  in the fact that I have a friend from way back when and whom I do not have to explain everything to because she knows me so well.  What do I do? Do you think this is a salvageable relationship or let it go by way of the dinosaurs?

stressed

Dear stressed,

For everything there is a season. Perhaps the season of this friendship has come to an end but you keep holding on because of habit.  If something is not working for you let it go – suffering is optional in this world. You don’t even have to say anything to your friend, just start doing things with other people and whenever she  asks to do something just say this truth you’re busy or you’d rather not this time. Once in a while you might want to go for coffee with this friend, so instead of closing the door completely, just leave it a little open. Perhaps the problem is you not confronting your friend and letting her know that her behaviour bothers you. That’s okay just acknowledge your own part in this drama and when you feel strong enough talk to her about the way you feel. For now, just spend time with people who lift you up, make you feel good about yourself.

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My Mother Is a Prostitute

Dear globalcounselor:

I am a 15 year old boy of Latinamerican heritage.  I go to a public school where there are lots of Latino children. The community is pretty close knit and many people know my mom. The problem is I am being teased at school by some mean guys who call my mom a whore and prostitute.  I get into a lot of fights and sometimes I feel I will kill somebody. I am afraid of my own anger. I don’t want bad things to happen to me. I don’t want to end up in jail. I have my dreams.

Globalcouselor, my mom has a lot of boyfriends. She is always bringing home a new man. I don’t know if she is a prostitute.  Ever since she and my dad broke up, it’s like she has gone wild. My dad never married her they lived together for more than 17 years as man and wife but my dad found another woman and married her within a year. I know my mom was hurt but that’s no reason for her to go wild. I love my mom but I am ashamed of what she is doing. I do not want to go to school. I am thinking of dropping out and make money so that I can help her cope with the financial burden. What can I do, what choices I have.

shamed

Dear shamed:

Sometimes when grown ups are hurt they revert to childhood behaviours. Sometimes they try to cover their hurt by trying to prove their worth. It seems as if she has been given a raw deal by your dad. His leaving her and then marrying another woman probably made her feel worthless and unattractive and so to prove she’s still got what it takes she jumps from one relationship to another without thinking.

Of course if you are being teased about your mom, you will be mad but walk away my son. Don’t stoop to the level of those boys who tease you. Take the high road and focus on your dreams.  Under no circumstance should you leave school. Stay in school. Talk to your mom, be honest with her and let her know what is going on maybe she will realize just how damaging her behaviour is to you and your future. Maybe she needs to seek counselling to help her cope with the loss of her partner.  What you can do is to ask your school counsellor to give you some information about community counselling services that are free and get some pamphlets and leave it where your mom can see it. That may give her the message you are trying to send her.  It is unfortunate that children sometimes have to pay the price for their parents irresponsible behaviour but our parents are human beings too and sometimes they get lost with their own personal problems, so lost that they cannot see the harm they are causing those they love the most. You have to forgive your mother for she is a hurting woman.