Tag Archives: stuck

I am stuck in a run

Dear globalcounselor,

I am 43 years old and mother of two girls in their 20s. I am Customer Service Representative with a motor company. I have been working as a single parent to keep a roof over our heads and to put food on the table. Now that my children have moved out, I have a little more time on my hands and I want more. I want to achieve more and to move up the ladder in my work but I don’t know how. I am not good at speaking up for myself and I watch in dismay as people who have joined the company after me moving up and leaving me in the dust stirred up by their feet from running towards the top. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be like them? Each day I go home from work feeling unrecognized even thought I work very hard for the company. Because I have been there the longest my boss calls me foundational, the rock and such things which makes me feel good but does not increase my salary.  How can I get out of this rut.

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

One way to get out of the rut is to climb out of it, one foot behind the other. This may sound like I am trying to be cute but I am serious. How can you do that? First of all decide what would get unstuck look like for you? Would a raise, a promotion or both make you feel better, finding a job in a different department within the company or venturing outside the company to find your grail? Once you know what that would look like develop a plan for getting it – be direct, ask your boss for a raise, take a course and then tell your boss you’re read for other responsibilities and why you think you will do good at it, tell your boss what your goals are for your career in the next five years and how he or she can help you accomplish that, then ask if you can count on their support.  Be sure to toot your own horn. Make sure someone in authority knows when you’ve accomplished something and what you are working on. Find a mentor you admire and ask for what you need, maybe you might have to splurge on a few dinners or breakfasts. It is a small price to pay for the support you get. One of our problems is that we fail to ask.   Let me know what steps you have taken to move out of the rut you’re stuck in.

Stuck in a Rot

Dear globalcounselor,

I have the same boyfriend since the 7th grade and we love each other, I think. We’re both 25 years old. We fight all the time and he calls me so really mean names like slut, bitch, ho. I retaliate by calling him names too that denigrate his masculinity and I feel bad afterwards because I do not mean of the things I say. I say them to get back at him but he never apologizes to me and when I ask him to, he says why apologize when that is what you are and he ends with “but I love you”. Sometimes I feel we have outgrown each other and we do not really love each other but I can’t walk away it’s like I am addicted to him. What should I do?

Confused

 

Dear confused;

Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt and this may be the case. You need to take a break from each other. Calling each other hateful names is verbal abuse. Abuse is wrong in any way, shape or form in my book. Try either dating other people or just stop seeing each other and find yourselves as single autonomous people.  As they say, if it is true love, you will find each other again but if you do not then just say good bye to a childhood dream and move on with your adult lives.  Comfort is hard to let go of.  You two might just have become too comfortable with each other and take each other for granted like an old comfortable chair. Starting a new relationship is challenging and hard work. We humans have a tendency to be lazy. Get off your buts and start working on yourselves.  Good luck.