Tag Archives: humour

A little chuckle for you

I got this in my mailbox today – hope it does not offend anyone

Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending th e evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset—-I shall be home before midnight.

 

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table :

 

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

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Feeling Blue? Sing your heart out LOL

This came in my email today 

Julie Andrews Turns 69, this is hystericalTo commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favorite Things”  from the legendary movie “Sound Of Music”.   Here are the lyrics she used: (Sing It!)  – If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and  handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
 These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts ,and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
    These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
   When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
       And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
      These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’, 
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
    When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
       When the eyes grow dim,
   Then I remember the great life I’ve had, 
        And then I don’t feel so bad.
(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. Please share Ms. Andrews’ clever wit and humor with others who would appreciate it.)