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  1. Hello,

    Well to start off with, my boyfriend and I love each other a lot. We have been going out since summer of July til today in which his parents strongly do not support, neither do my parents but they don’t really care. His parents wanted to us to break up because having a girlfriend in college is not the time and you should focus on yourself only because nothing else matters; as well as all the people you could potentially meet–why have a girlfriend? I understand where they are coming from, what with having a girlfriend/boyfriend during college, focusing on your studies and homework,and dealing with the many people that surround you, but nonetheless we went out anyway. It all went swell, we studied when we needed to, hung out with the extra time, and spent time individually as we wished. Overall, i didn’t see things as a problem, I am capable of balancing all my needs and worries and accomplishing them. He had issues with prioritizing with homework, working out, and whatever he does–most of the time he didn’t do anything at all and stayed up late a lot. He became quite “depressed”, not feeling to do much, and didnt seem so happy. Closing of first semester came, and we both ended up with not so great GPA’s as we wished. My problem was that I have bad studying habits, he just didn’t care much for school. Then he got kicked out of his home and is currently living with his uncle working at their family restuarant. As to my understanding, he told me that everyone has been telling him to break up with his girlfriend, that it isn’t the time to have one, and it doesnt make sense have a girlfriend. His parents say he needs to be more focused in school, his coworkers say there are too many people out there to focus on one, girlfriends are expensive–when he never bought me anything except take me out for lunch/dinner, its not a good time to have a girlfriend, blahblah and he needs to work harder to keep his school scholarship. I asked if having a girlfriend and a friend the same thing, if I left him, what is partying with a friend any different then partying with your girlfriend. I am a type of girlfriend who respects and gives you the space you need, I was never clingy or anything, I just want to spend time with my boyfriend. I was never a burden or a dangerous concern to him at all, and i asked if getting rid of a girlfriend is going to solve any problems he has with himself. He even told me there is nothing wrong with me as a girlfriend and the reason he wants to break up isnt because of me at all but “because thats what his family, friends, coworkers, and what everyones been telling me to do, and i think i should just wing what they say..” I believe that he failed his expectations all because of himself, and has nothign to do with me but him. Because his parents and everyone sees him as such a failure they all turn the blame on the concept of having a girlfriend is affecting your life. So therefore, he has decided to break us up. Sad to see us break away because of a whole bunch of people who refuse to accept me and brainwash him into doing this. I asked him what is the reason we are breaking up, and he merely responded back saying “…because my parents want me to…i dunno…” He said we can still chill and hang out, have lunch, watch movies, go ice skating, do stuff we used to do as friends, and i am still the “one person he loves so much and remember, will always want to hang with.” but at the same time he says it will be okay for me to go hook up with anyone i want, date, see other people or whatever…i asked if this also applies to him, and he seemed hesistante at first, but then gave in and said yes. Now im not so sure if he wants to break up because of school–but because he wants to live the single college student life. He says that he is most likely going to not hook up or see other girls because this semester is all dedicated for school to bring it back up…but what are the chances that he is going to find interest in someone else and have time for me? Not much I bet. He says he is so busy with school and will not have time to have a girlfriend, but wants to hang with me when we can…but if we’re single and hang out, that also means he could be hanging out with other people/girls which he could be doing with his girlfriend–which he tells me he will not have time for a girlfriend but for other girls now??…Now i am confused and whenever I ask he says he doesn’t know much and is confused as well…Its confusing, I want to save our relationship, we really do love each other a lot but Im not sure where this is going. I dont want to be desperate, but at the same time I want him to be strong and stay together beacause I know he can, but wont stay with me.

    Stuck at a standstill!

    • Dear stuck at a standstill,

      This is 2010. Your boyfriend’s apparent confusion stems from the fact that he may no longer be into you and it’s time you move on with your life while he sorts out his confusion. A relationship is not one to be saved. There is either a relationship or not. If you have to work at saving a relationship you are on the wrong path. You are not facing the truth that the relationship you are trying to save may be none-existent. When two people are in love and in a loving relationship, there will be problems but both people will be committed to working it out because either could not envision their life without the other.
      Take care of you and let your boyfriend work out his issues. Not all relationships are meant to last. Some are meant to help us grow and I believe that this one is meant to help you and your boyfriend to grow psychologically, socially and emotionally. So give yourself a fresh start and love will find you.

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