D ear globalcounselor,
I am a nurse and I work shift. When I am at work my husband stays home with the children. We also have a babysitter who will watch the children if he had to go out in a hurry. My husband and I had a wonderful relationship. There was no problem. I trusted him with my life. Last week I had to cancel my shift on short notice because I was not feeling well. I didn’t tell my husband until 15 minutes before I was scheduled to leave. Instead of being happy that I’d be home, I felt he was a little disappointed. Then the babysitter showed up. I asked if he had planned on going out and why didn’t he tell me. He got mad and asked if he had to clear everything with the Sargent General. I was taken aback but I was too sick to argue. Then I heard him whispering on the phone about change of plans and that Carla is home and is not going to work. I pretended not to hear. I asked him who was he talking to and he said he was telling his buddy that plans changed. He said he was not going to leave me home alone with the kids when I am sick. I thought that was sweet. Late that evening when my husband was asleep curiosity made me check the phone to see the last caller. My best friend’s phone number showed up. I did not think anything at first but the next day when I asked why she called the house and spoke to Doug. She said that it was something she wanted to ask him about plumbing. She said her toilet was plugged and bubbling up. Oh my God, I knew something was going on between them. After much cross-examination by me and mutual yelling my husband admitted he slept with my best friend and they were going to go out to talk about ending the relationship because they both felt it was not right.
I have decided not to divorce my husband over this because of my children but how do I move on, how do I trust him again? Am I doing the right thing.
If you decide to forgive your husband’s indiscretion, you have to stop focussing on his behaviour and start thinking of what you shared before this happen. Focussing on the marriage and think of ways you can move forward beyond this. I have seen marriages survive infidelity but there has to be more than just for the children. There has to be a foundation of love or something to build upon. To want to remain in a loveless marriage for children will not do your children any favour. Think of some of the things you can do to forget. Will you still have your girlfriend in your life. How about a vacation, just the two of you. Some ideas to get you started.