I am a 57-year-old married woman of 35 years. My husband, God bless him, is the only man I have ever known. We started dating in high school and got married in the middle of college. I became pregnant and had to drop out of my nursing program and we were married. Life has been good to us. For the most part we have been reasonably happy but as life is becoming a bit stagnant. My hubby is more set in his ways than ever and seems to be unaware of my existence or need for physical contact consumed as he is in his internet buddies. There is no shortage of internet tidbits or what’s happening in his friends lives on the net. He is so engrossed in his “friends on the net”he’ls like a teenager with their first cell phone or iPhone. He is constantly checking his status here and there – things that are totally alien to me. I pass my time volunteering at the Seniors Centre helping the hungry and homeless people out there.
Recently, I met a man about 10 years my junior who appears to be interested and I have more than a casual interest in this man. We take our coffee breaks together, have wonderful conversations. A few days ago he put his arms around me as we were both laughing at a joke one of the clients made. I know it was an innocent act but it felt good. I find myself looking forward to going to volunteering at the Centre so that I could see this man. I felt bad about it and yet I don’t want to stop. I am tempted to have an affair because I am not prepared to leave my husband and give up all that we have. I don’t feel I will be doing anything hurtful to him because he does not know that I exist anyway. He is happy with his internet friends and buddies. Do you think I am a terrible person for even thinking of cheating on my husband?
It seems as if you have looked for an escape and you found one. While there is no harm in flirting, having an all out affair can become much more complicated than it first appears. In most cases women fall much harder for the men and the question of leaving their husbands may come up and if your partner does not want to go that route then you end up feeling hurt and used. I am not the moral arbiter on this issue. It’s up to you and what you can live with. There are known cases where an outside affair serves to strengthen a flagging relationship and in other cases the affair ends a relationship as trust is broken.
You are obviously feeling neglected by your husband. His obsession with the internet has left you out in the cold and your dissatisfaction makes you an easy prey for extramarital affairs. You have to be certain of what you want and what consequences you are prepared to accept for your action. On the other hand, you might want to have a serious conversation with your husband and let him know where you’re at. Such a conversation might wake him up.