Tag Archives: exotic

I’ve been had big time

Dear globalcounselor,

I am an immigrant woman and I come from a well-to-do family back in Costa Rica. I married to a Canadian man I knew for three years.  We were both married previously but he had no children while I had 2 children for my deceased husband. When I met this man I was feeling lonely. He was a tourist and we hit it off. He made me laugh and I came to trust him. After a year of “dating” long-distance, he asked me to marry him and said he wanted to take me and my children to Canada. I love Costa Rica and but I loved him more and I had heard a lot of good things about Canada so I persuaded my children to let us take a chance. In the meantime my mother passed away and her property and everything came to me and the children. My husband insisted that I sell the property and take everything with me to Canada. I was a bit hesitant but he assured me that he was not interested in any of that.  When we came to Canada he said that I should invest the money in a house and land as that would give good returns. I did as I was told and put the house in his name so that I did not have to pay a lot of taxes and fees as a foreigner – my visa was still in limbo. We eventually got our visas and for a year and half we lived a happy life. My husband worked and took care of us very well. My children were happy, they made friends and life was good until four months ago when my husband asked me for a divorce. He said he did not love me anymore and that there was someone he really cared about and wanted to be with. He apologized for falling for my “exotic” beauty but said he got bored of that and wants to move on. He asked me to leave the house and I said that the house is my house, my money bought the house and he could not cheat me of my house.  Where was I going to live. He informed me that the house was in his name and that he had spent a lot of money bringing me and my two children here and gave us a new life that I should be grateful for the opportunity.  I am shocked I could not think properly. He helped us get a place in government housing and disappeared from our lives. My children are shocked. I could not move to do anything for a year. I was walking in a fog but now I am a little okay and I am ready to fight. What can I do to get my house back. I think I have been had big time.  I am 45 years old and my children are 17 and 16. I feel that my life is over but I want to do this for my children. He has to pay.

Ready to fight

Dear Ready to fight,

First of all you need to get yourself a good lawyer.  This man may have conned you out of your inheritance.  I will advise you to seek the help of a social worker who can guide you in the right direction. You may beed proof that the house was bought with your money. Get all your facts and information. Maybe you may have to take a trip to your country.  This man sounds very callous to say the things he did to you.  It’s okay for people to fall out of love but not be cruel about it.Even if you do not get all of your money back, you may be entitled to half the proceeds of the home and in some places, since your husband sponsored you and your family, he might be legally and financially responsible for you for the next 10 years. If you are on income assistance, make sure you let them know your immigration status and maybe they may hold your husband responsible for maintaining you until the sponsorship expires.

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Too small to handle

Dear globalcounselor,

I am a 35 year old woman of Chinese descent. I am very small boned and a bit delicate. I have the body of a young girl.  I met my husband while he was teaching English in China. I was in his class. We started dating soon after we met. We have been married for about 10 years. We have no children. My husband is 55 years old.

Recently my husband has been treating me very badly. He does not want to take me anywhere and he hardly makes love to me. When I challenged him he said that I should put on some weight. I look like a little girl and he feels “ikky” making love to me because he feels as if he is being a dirty old man.

I cannot change myself, globalcounselor, does this mean I have to leave my husband. This is the way God made me. I don’t think I can every get fatter or bigger. I am very sad and hurt.  I think some European men are fascinated by Chinese women because of our size and exotic looks but they soon get tired of us and want to treat us like dirt. It is not fair.  What should I do?

Small

Dear Small,

It is hurtful when someone demands that you change to make it easier for them to like you especially when you are asked to change the unchangeable. It sounds to me it is more than just your size that is creating difficulties in your marriage. I suggest that you first seek professional counselling to get to the root of what’s troubling your husband.  If that does not work you have a choice. You can continue living in this toxic and culturally abusive relationship or  you can leave him. You do not have to live this way. To continue feeling so devalued will eventually eat away at your self esteem and your self.  You are a young woman and could still meet the man of your dreams. I must add not all European men are like your husband but all abusive men are like him. They devalue, put you down and find fault with you in order to make them feel better.  This is abuse and abuse is violence. Stop it.