Dear globalcounselor,
I am 15 years old and my boy friend is 16 years old. We are regular white people. Ever since we started seeing each other, my boyfriend wants to spend all his time with me. I get tired of him and want to be with my girlfriends and do stuff with my girlfriends because it’s more fun for me. I only want to hang out with my boyfriend occasionally. I keep telling him to go with his boyfriends. He asked me if I was gay and I said what? why would you think that? and he said that because I preferred to be with my girlfriends rather than him. I couldn’t believe him and I lost all respect for him. The thing is I am not planning to be married until I am maybe 25 after I finish my education and get a job. My boyfriend doesn’t understand that he may not be my husband. I also have high standards for myself. Also I’ve seen my older sisters date a lot of men only to end up with a broken heart and some kind of sexually transmitted disease,. That’s not for me, thank you very much. I intend to be a virgin when I am married and hopefully find a man who is also a virgin. Am I weird to think like this. Some of my girlfriends think that I am weird because I am not into sex and don’t want to be with my BF 24-7.
weird?
Dear Weird?
You’re the sanest 15-year-old I have heard from in a long time. Dating does not mean you are engaged to me married. Dating is a time for young people to explore different personalities and to find out what type of person you are and the qualities you admire in the opposite sex without getting into sex. I believe young people start having sex too early without even understanding who they are and before they know it they’ve had sex with a number of people they find out later that they do not really like or admire. I wish there were more young people who thought like you. Sex brings on unnecessary responsibility. After having sex with a boy you feel an obligation to stick with him when you might not even want to but when there is no sex involved you are freer to walk away and with your self-respect in tack. Who wants a sexually transmitted disease at 15 or worse an unwanted pregnancy? Girls should be girls and have fun, go on dates, get to know each other and don’t let a boy think that a $10.00 dinner he might buy for you earns him sex from you. You set the tone of the respect you will receive. If you demand respect people will respect you. Your current boyfriend is just showing off his immaturity. He does not have a clue about gay or lesbians. At 15 there’s nothing better than your best girlfriends. Girlfriends are to share hopes and fears, to learn to be good friends and to do the crazy things that you will never be able to do at 25 or after marriage. So to answer your question, you are not weird. You are very smart and well grounded. I hope you have the courage to continue living up to the values you set for yourself. If your boyfriend cannot handle a light relationship and if he is so needy as to want to hitch himself to your side, it’s time to unhinge him. You do not need that.
globalcounselor 