I am a a 45 year old man and I believe that I am being abused by my wife. I can only write to you because my manhood would not dare let me speak about this to family and friends. My sisters have caught on and they keep saying why do you allow your wife to treat you so shabbily, don’t you have any pride. I just shrug it off , grin and bear it. Whenever her friends are around she would “show off” and order me around. I have to serve them coffee and biscuits. It’s like she is making me pay for what men have done to women in the past. We have two beautiful sons and everytime I think of just walking out, I think of them. I sometimes wonder if it is not better to leave because what kind of a role model I am for my sons.
I spoke to my wife several times about this behaviour and she says women have done the same for men for thousands of year so I should get over it. I should tell you my wife is a Lawyer and I am well, a carpenter. She reminds me as often as she can who brings in the dough and I feel like a dork because she brings in more money than I do at the moment but there was a time when I brought in tons more than her. I had my own business. She encouraged me to give up the business to help care for our sons, which at first I was glad to do. I love my sons more than my life I think. I am fed up of being like some slave and some “thing” for her convenience. I can’t take this much longer because it’s eating me up inside. What can I do?
Dear Fedup guy:
Abuse is wrong no matter where it comes from. You need to have another serious talk with your wife and suggest you get some marriage counselling to see what’s driving your wife to treat you that way. It does sound a bit shabby indeed. While some men may delight in serving their wives voluntarily to be ordered to do so takes the fun away. Your wife appears to have issues and she needs to address those. Why would one human being treat a person she claims to love in that way? It’s not love but power and control. That is at the root of abusive behaviour. Perhaps her father or some man did her wrong in the past and now she is taking it out on you. My advice is to try to save your marriage if you still love your wife and want to keep your family together and if you see that it won’t work I have to tell you there is no glory in suffering. Cut your losses and leave her but not your sons. You will be their father forever. Go do what you have to do and do not sell out yourself. You may be surprised at what your children may be learning from your behaviour, you stayed home to take care of them and that’s something they will remember. The bond you developed with your sons will be there forever.