Dear globalcounselor,
I recently came up from the Caribbean with my wife and four children. Before we came, we were a loving, open family where I felt I had place in the home. Both my wife and I worked and we tried to give our children the best education money could buy. Since we came, thanks to the generosity of my sister who has been living over here for a number of years, things have changed. My wife’s attitude has changed so much I feel I do not know this woman. Money seems to be more important than anything else. We both have menial jobs trying to make ends meet. Her money is hers and mine is ours. I am expected to pay the bills and when I ask her what she is doing with her money, she tells me it is none of my business. Two weeks ago, my daughter went to a party with people I did not know and came home the following morning as I was leaving for work. I asked her where she was coming from and she said from a sleep over with friends. I was upset and I asked my wife if she knew about that and she said yes and I wanted to know why no one told me, she told me this is the US not back home, children have rights. I said to myself oh my God, did I make a mistake in bringing my family to the US? My wife is always trying to undermine me with my children. I am thinking of divorce. I am feeling very discouraged. She has moved out from our bed room and sleeping with our children.
Ready to divorce
Dear Ready to Divorce,
Your marriage is in deep trouble. The problem is communication. It seems like you and your wife have a block in communication. If this is not corrected, the marriage is headed to divorce. The stresses of integration into a new country might be impacting on your marriage but this is the time to stick together because together you stand a better chance of a successful life. Encourage your wife to return to your bedroom even if you have to do it with flowers. However if there is no love or mistrust between you two then it makes no sense. If there is love I would urge you to try to work it out through some kind of free community couple counselling. There is still hope. Talk to each other, break the barrier, get your egos out of the way and if that does not work then it will be the divorce lawyer you’ll be talking with. Sometimes couples stop speaking to each other for reasons that are not obvious, perhaps it is because there is less money to work with, adjusting to a new life, feeling out of control or that one is not being up front with the other. Not telling you that your child will be having a sleep over could be a passive aggressive action. There is hurt or something that triggers this negative behaviour especially if it something new for her.
globalcounselor 