Guilt-ridden but relieved

Dear Global Counsellor,

I have just committed my childhood sweetheart and partner for more than 30 years to the nursing home.  I am 73 years old and he is 80 years old. We`ve been together since I was in high school. He was married to another woman but had left her and hooked up with me. We have one child together.  Over the years he worn thin but I loved him all through that. He never divorced his first wife so we`re not legally married. He has no will, nothing and it did not seem to mind.  I bought my own house and it is only a few years ago on the prompting of family and friends that I made sure that it was only in my name because I believed that if he had died his children and ex could have come and claimed part of my home.  Anyway, my honey has early onset Alzheimer`s disease and he was becoming more and more difficult for me to handle at home. He messes himself, he is a pack rat and keeps his room very dirty. I didn`t know what to do and I could not commit him because I was not his wife and his  wife wanted nothing to do with him. I had to give him over to the state and together we concocted to get him out without incident. Told him he was going to the hospital.  The men came with the ambulance a few days ago and took him away. I cried that entire day and the next, feeling guilty but relieved that I don`t have to deal with that. I could not handle it by myself. I feel I had no choice. I am dreading to go visit him because I expect he  will dress me down good.  This is one time I wish he will not remember anything.  Am I a d woman.  I feel it was my only choice.

Guiltridden

Dear guiltridden,

You are not a bad woman. In fact you are a sensible woman.  First cardinal rule in life is to take care of number one first.  You are taking care of you and that is not a crime. You sound like a loving person who has given everything to this man and from the sound of things who has not given you much in return except your son. Putting him in a care home where he can receive the care he needs by professionals is the best and most loving thing you could have done for your honey.  Breathe, visit him and try not to let his anger if any affect you. It is a difficult stage of life for the best of us so be compassionate and let him have his say but I doubt whether he will be like that. God bless you.

 

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