Post Christmas Blues

Dear globalcounselor,

The big holiday is over and I am crying the blues. I am bitterly disappointed that my boyfriend of three years did not propose.  Leading up to Christmas, he was hinting as a big surprise saying things like “I hope you’re ready for this” and I pretending not to have a clue, which it turns out I did not have a clue because the big surprise was giving me a dog for Christmas. I was thinking of getting myself a dog but I couldn’t afford the one I really wanted which is a pure bred Shih Tzu. I like my present but that was not what I was expecting and as a result I find myself just crying on the poor dog.  I am afraid I might make the dog depressed.  I am so mad and so hurt and to add insult to injury he has asked me to move in with him. Who does he take me for some kind of a slacker woman who would do something like this? I have my values and I never want to live with a man until there is a ring on my finger and I told him flat-out he must be joking and that I feel insulted by that proposition. He said I was being old-fashioned. I told him so be it he could go find himself a modern slutty woman to use and discard when he feels like it. Am I being old-fashioned, what am I not getting here?


Dear Confused,

I don’t think you’re being old-fashioned at all. You are being yourself and you have certain values which you hold dear. Unfortunately, your boyfriend does not appear to hold those same values. This does not mean you are old-fashioned. It means you are principled, that’s all. 

Perhaps your disappointment at not getting an engagement or a proposal of marriage may also have triggered such strong sentiments. It’s like when your mind is set on something you can’t hear any other alternatives. Perhaps if you had pursued the proposition by asking your boyfriend what he had in mind? Was there a plan to move in together and get married within a specified time and if you would have stated your values and expectations the discussion might have gone in a different direction. What if he thought you were the kind of woman who would not want to be married, maybe he was afraid of rejection and we could go on speculating because we do not know.  You would only know what motivated him to ask you to move in with him if you


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