Dear global counselor,
I am 25 years old and have been out of a relationship for the past year to get over a relationship that ended in a bad way. I met a nice guy three weeks ago and we have been seeing a lot of each other. Before I met him, my girlfriends have stood by me and ensure that I was not along. They included me in everything and I appreciate that and I want to continue with my girlfriends. I realize how important it is to have girlfriends – they are there for you long after guys leave and are a very important relationship for any woman. My new boyfriend gets angry when I take time to spend with my girlfriends. He keeps saying I have a boyfriend now and I have to put aside my girlfriends. He said they would understand. He said we have a life to build together. He said if I wanted him to stick around, I would have to see less of my girlfriends. I am so hurt and confused. I like him but he’s given me a choice to make that I can’t make. I will not give up my girlfriends.
Am I being selfish, am I being stupid to risk losing a wonderful guy? I feel my boyfriend is trying to control me and that bugs me.
I would bid the young man adieu. He clearly does not respect your feelings and he is trying to control what you do and who you see. I happen to agree with you that girlfriends are important. Man cannot live by bread alone; you cannot survive only on the love of one man. If he truly loved and respect you he would try and find a way for you to be with him and accommodate your needs to be with your girlfriends. In time you yourself might decide to limit your time with your girlfriends as you spend more time with him but if he is going to demand, I can see why you are resisting. No one likes to be told what to do and when to do it. This man spells trouble to me. He is an abuser in the making. Let him go.