Stalking Girlfriend

Dear globalcounselor,

I had a girlfriend when I was in high school but after a couple years it seems like we did not have anything more in common so we broke up.  I realized she was not the girl for me. She is beautiful and all that but I could not see myself spending the rest of my life with her. So we broke up. I broke it off to be truthful but she insisted we remain friends. I said okay to soften the blow.  Shortly after she left and moved with her dad to another city.  But she kept calling me and wanting to keep up an active friendship. I realized she was only doing that to get back with me. I told her in no uncertain terms that I don’t have time because I have a heavy course load University and I’d be tied up with university for many years.

She moved back to the city and has been calling me every day. I wish she would stop calling me and go back to live with her dad. Why can’t she understand that it is over. She calls my mom and tries to be friends with my friends from university. I feel she is stalking me and I wonder if she is ever going to understand that it is over.  What can I do to get through to her.  This is getting to me and affecting my studies.  I don’t like to be rude to a girl but I’ve been mean to her a couple times then I end up apologizing.

Stifled

Dear Stifled,

Sounds like you have a girlfriend who does not take no for an answer.  She is a stalker alright. With stalkers you have to  be cruel to be kind. You have to stop communication with her.  Do not encourage her in any way shape or form. If you have to be rude then so be it.

     Sometimes it is a mental issue.  She is obsessed with having what she cannot have and will see getting you back as a challenge to herself.    Tell your mom not to have any contact with her as well as that may only encourage her and give her hope.

   You, however, should tell her in no uncertain terms that it’s over. Say “I do not love you and I do not wish to be friends or have any relationship with you. Please do not call me , nor email me nor contact me again”.  If this does not work you may have to consider getting a restraining order.

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