Cheating Spouse

Dear globalcounselor,

I am an African American woman 58 years old and I have a cheating husband. I have threatened to leave him, I have begged him to leave her but he keeps on disrespecting me by continuing his affair with a woman with whom he has a child.  I am willing to look the other way and welcome the child into our home but the woman must go. My husband does not seem capable of doing that. He keeps saying he will and always end up going back to her. He claims to love me and does not want to lose what he’s got with me but yet he cannot give up the woman.

Truth be told, I am a proud woman and I do not want to be another statistic of broken home. I pride myself in keeping my family together but he is wearing me down. I love my husband and we are good god faring people but he has this weakness.  Do I have to live with this for the rest of my life?

Fedup

Dear fedup

No you don’t. It’s totally up to you. Can you live like this and look the other way or is this situation making you sick?  It seems to me that your husband has broken a cardinal rule in your marriage. Not only has he been unfaithful he has been careless in allowing himself to father a child outside of the marriage. From what you told me this man does not intend to give up anything. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. If you allow this to go on, it will be forever or until the woman kicks him out. You can end it by giving him a ultimatum to give up the woman or you. It is a risk that he might do nothing or choose the other woman, are you prepared for that?  Or will your ego continue to get in the way of your self-esteem? Whatever you choose is a lose, lose situation unless you do something about it now. Good luck.

New Year’s Eve

Dear globalcounselor,

It’s a couple days before New Year’s Eve and I have not had an invitation from my boyfriend. He has not mentioned anything about where I am going or what he is doing. He seems to be evading the topic and I don’t want to bring it up for him to think I am fishing for an invitation. I thought we were tight but I guess he must have someone else. Don’t you think he should have asked me by now?

Uncertain

Dear Uncertain,

I think your boyfriend ought to have asked you out by now. Maybe he is playing the field to see if he could catch something better.  I would ask him directly about his plans for the New Years Eve and whether you will be spending it together. No point beating around the bush.