For those who wait for Mother’s Day

This came into my email and it’s a keeper. I hope it inspires you to reach out and touch those you love in special ways.

BEING A MOTHER… After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, ‘I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.’ * * * The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years, but the demands of my work and my two boys had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. * * * That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. * * * ‘What’s wrong, aren’t you well,’ she asked? * * * My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. * * * ‘I thought it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,’ I responded. ‘Just the two of us.’ She thought about it for a moment, and then said, ‘I would like that very much.’ * * * That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last birthday on November 19th. * * * She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s. ‘I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,’ she said, as she got into that new white van. ‘They can’t wait to hear about our date’. * * * We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. ‘It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,’ she said. ‘Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,’ I responded. * * * During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. * * * As we arrived at her house later, she said, ‘I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.’ I agreed. * * * ‘How was your dinner date?’ asked my wife when I got home. ‘Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,’ I  answered. * * * A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. * * * Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: ‘I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.’ * * * At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I LOVE YOU’ and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. G ive them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till ’some other time.’ * * * Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby…… somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, ‘normal’ is  history. * * * Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct … somebody never took a three-year-old shopping. * * * Somebody said being a mother is boring …. somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit. Somebody said if you’re a’good’ mother, your child will ‘turn out good’…. somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.. * * * Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother…. somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math. * * * Somebody said you can’t love the second child as much as you love the first …. somebody doesn’t have two children. * * * Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery…. somebody never watched her ‘baby’ get on the bus for the first day of  kindergarten … or on a plane headed for military ‘boot camp..’ * * * Some body said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married….somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings. * * * Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home…. somebody never had grandchildren. * * * Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her…. somebody isn’t a mother.

My Mother Is a Prostitute

Dear globalcounselor:

I am a 15 year old boy of Latinamerican heritage.  I go to a public school where there are lots of Latino children. The community is pretty close knit and many people know my mom. The problem is I am being teased at school by some mean guys who call my mom a whore and prostitute.  I get into a lot of fights and sometimes I feel I will kill somebody. I am afraid of my own anger. I don’t want bad things to happen to me. I don’t want to end up in jail. I have my dreams.

Globalcouselor, my mom has a lot of boyfriends. She is always bringing home a new man. I don’t know if she is a prostitute.  Ever since she and my dad broke up, it’s like she has gone wild. My dad never married her they lived together for more than 17 years as man and wife but my dad found another woman and married her within a year. I know my mom was hurt but that’s no reason for her to go wild. I love my mom but I am ashamed of what she is doing. I do not want to go to school. I am thinking of dropping out and make money so that I can help her cope with the financial burden. What can I do, what choices I have.

shamed

Dear shamed:

Sometimes when grown ups are hurt they revert to childhood behaviours. Sometimes they try to cover their hurt by trying to prove their worth. It seems as if she has been given a raw deal by your dad. His leaving her and then marrying another woman probably made her feel worthless and unattractive and so to prove she’s still got what it takes she jumps from one relationship to another without thinking.

Of course if you are being teased about your mom, you will be mad but walk away my son. Don’t stoop to the level of those boys who tease you. Take the high road and focus on your dreams.  Under no circumstance should you leave school. Stay in school. Talk to your mom, be honest with her and let her know what is going on maybe she will realize just how damaging her behaviour is to you and your future. Maybe she needs to seek counselling to help her cope with the loss of her partner.  What you can do is to ask your school counsellor to give you some information about community counselling services that are free and get some pamphlets and leave it where your mom can see it. That may give her the message you are trying to send her.  It is unfortunate that children sometimes have to pay the price for their parents irresponsible behaviour but our parents are human beings too and sometimes they get lost with their own personal problems, so lost that they cannot see the harm they are causing those they love the most. You have to forgive your mother for she is a hurting woman.

Dear global counselor

I am having a hard time feeling good about myself today. My mom just keeps putting me down all the time and sometimes I just feel like leaving home and living on my own but I have no place to go but on the streets and I am terrified of the streets. I don’t know what to do to get along with my mom. I sometimes think that she feels I have no right to happiness. Whenever I am having fun she tries to bring me down with negativity.  I am a 16 year old Black girl.

Tired

Dear Tired,

Parents, though sometimes well meaning can do more to hurt than help their children’s self-esteem.  Some of us have never outgrown the mindset of a slave. Sometimes parents try to clip our wings because they don’t want us to fly too high and get shot down by racist. They try to keep us safe by keeping us down to earth.

I suggest you sit your mother down and tell her how it makes you feel when she does and say the things that are hurtful.  Let her know times have changed and you deserve to be happy and to achieve as much as you want. Ask her to give you a chance. Tell her that her encouragement and support mean a lot to you and finally tell her how much you love her. Maybe you are both locked into different sides of the same room.  Don’t leave home, work it out my child, talk it out, cry it out, get your aunt, a friend or someone you trust to intervene.  The relationship between a mother and her daughter runs deep and if there is problem neither of you can be truly happy with your lives until it is fixed somehow.