My girlfriend always tries to grab all the attention

Dear globalcounselor,

My best girlfriend is bugging me out. We get along all the time except when a guy is part of the mix. She becomes someone else, this barracuda. She would cut me off and pretend she is so vivacious and outgoing or whatever this person wants her to be.  I get so disgusted and annoyed at her. She dominates the conversation.  I feel that she is competing with me for the man even though I might not have the slightest interest  in him.  Every time she does it I swear it is the last time but she is a nice person, a sane person otherwise, and I like her company.  How do you think I can maintain my friendship with my friend and have a decent conversation with a guy who I might not be interested in.  I should mention both my friend and I are divorced and looking for our third relationship.  We are in our mid-fifties for context.

bugged out

Dear bugged out,

Most of us have a friend like whom you describe.  That woman who goes crazy when a man is in the room. It seems the older women get the more crazy some become, not to stereotype women. I apologize if anyone is offended. Sometimes you have to humor your friends like that and shake your head and say to yourself, there goes my friend again. On a more serious note, most often people are not aware how they behave and if you should draw it to their attention, they will deny it. It seems as if this friendship is important to you. My advice is to either speak to your friend, tell her what’s bugging you, or accept her without judgement and find the humour in it or  finally whenever there is going to be a man about you go by yourself or with other friends who are not as stirred up about a male’s presence as your good friend.

Friendship of Convenience

Dear globalcounselor,

As I write this letter I feel hurt and relieved at the same time. I am hurt because I’ve parted ways from one of my long time friend. Hurt because I realize that my friend never valued me as a friend just as someone who is available at her convenience.

Throughout my life I suffered from low self-esteem. Who wouldn’t growing up as a strict Catholic as I did.   I met my friend when our children were both little and remained friends over the years. I now realized that the only reason we remained friends for more than 20 years was because I always did what she wanted and never stood up for myself with her. Recently when she asked me to do her a favour and I refused explaining that I was going through a rough patch and needed to take care of some family problems. I should mention that she had emailed me her request and I emailed her back my answer.   Having confided in her some of my problems and how I felt depressed, she never called or emailed me back asking me how I was doing.  I had to face what I knew all along. If my friend could not get her way then it’s the highway.  That’s not friendship.  I felt good that finally I could say no to my friend because I feel better about myself. Sometimes I’m tempted to be the bigger person and call and another voice in me says leave it alone. What do you think?

Undecided

Dear Undecided

If I were you I would listen to the voice that says leave it alone. Isn’t 20 years of pain not enough? Why would you want to tempt fate.  Your friend will be the same with you if you should call her. Leave her to herself and if she recognizes the error of her ways and value your friendship and miss it she will call and perhaps apologize.  True friendship is one of give and take; respect and consideration.  This appears not to be the case in this friendship.  It’s hard to let go of old friendships especially if we’re the sentimental type but sometimes things come to its natural end and we have to move on.