Dear globalcounselor

I have been unfaithful to my husband with a co-worker and I feel wretched over it. I never meant for it to happen. I love my husband so much but I was out on an evening of staff get-together and had some drinks. I obviously drank too much and one of my  male colleagues with whom I have had a good cordial platonic relationship with offered to drive me home.  On  the way home we stopped for a hamburger and we sat in the car in the parking lot to finish eating before taking off. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was in his arms and we made out.  We were both shocked at what had happened because my coworker is married as well.  Needless to say, our relationship at work is strained and I am feeling guilty on both counts – because I cheated on my loving husband and another woman’s husbands. My coworker said his wife can never know about this because he loved her.  I feel like smut, dirt and I don’t know how to repair it. Should I tell my husband what I did and risk the end of my marriage or should I keep this to myself.

Conflicted

Dear conflicted,

While honesty in the best policy there are times when it’s better to keep some things private. If you love your husband and he loves you and you have a good relationship then try to put that behind you.  Why risk the break up of your marriage over one night’s indiscretion? What your husband does not know will not hurt him. What has happened cannot be undone so leave that in the past and build a stronger , more loving relationship with your husband. Maybe you might want think about what alcohol does to you. You said you lost control of yourself and your emotions. Now that you know that when the situation arises the next time you will do the sensible thing.

 

I am tired of my lying girlfriend

Dear globalcounselor,

I don’t know what to do with my girlfriend except to ditch her. She lies faster than a horse trot. She lies about little things which makes me wonder what big things she is lying about? It drives me crazy. I cannot trust her.   A few days ago she  went to a movie with some friends and a mutual friend saw her. When we hooked up a few days later I asked her what she’s been up to? She said nothing, she’s been home doing her homework all the time. Just to see what she would say, I said I went to see a movie with my friend. I wanted to help her memory. She asked me what I went to see and never said that she also went to the movie.  I didn’t say anything. The other thing she lied about recently is that she never smoked pot. I know she smokes pot all the time. One of her girlfriends told me they smoked together. And it goes on and on with these little things. I am 17 and she is 16. I think I am ready to walk away because I am finding it hard to like her. I don’t like people who tell lies.

Walking away.

Dear Walking away,

You are both very young and have some growing up to do. A person who lies also is a cheat. You can either confront her with what you know and ask her directly why she feels she has to lie. Is it to make you think better of her, are you a judgemental person? a Mr. perfect that makes her feel inadequate?  Some people are pathological liars, they cannot help themselves.  It is like a mental illness.   Perhaps she needs help professionally. If you find you do not like her anymore, just move on.  Relationships at this age are not meant to last forever.  It is better you find someone you can have fun with  and grow into your manhood in a good way.

Who’s my baby father?

Dear globalcounselor,

I am 25 years old and am 8 months pregnant. I will have my baby in a few weeks and I do not know who my baby father is.  My boyfriend thinks it is his but I am not so sure. Around the time I became pregnant my boyfriend and I had a big fight and I went out partying with my girlfriends, drank a lot and made love with an old boyfriend who happened to be around. I do not love him but I guess it was the alcohol that made me do it.  My boyfriend and I made up a few days after that and had sex. This is my first child and I really want it to be my boyfriend’s. I don’t know if he can handle a child that’s not his. Should I tell him or should I just keep this one to myself.

Cheated

Dear cheated,

What a dilemma you’re in. The good book says honesty is the best policy but sometimes I think too much honesty might not be in anyone’s best interest.

There is 50 per cent chance that the child is your boyfriend’s.  Are you planning to marry this boyfriend. Is he reliable and is serious about your relationship?  It’s not point getting into all that with someone who may just walk away from you.  If he his going to stick around, if he is really into the child, I think you owe it to him to fess up now.  These things have a way of backfiring at a time when you would have a lot more to lose than now. What if the child needs a blood transfusion?  You will not only be lying to your boyfriend but to your child and all this can have serious repercussion in your life at a time when you want stability. If your boyfriend really cares about you he would accept this child as his own.  The child could be told when he is old enough to understand.  A father is much, much more than a sperm contribution, it’s being there when a child really needs someone and whoever that person is, is the father.