I want out

 Dear globalcounselor,

How are you? I hope you are in a better place than me. I am a criminal lawyer making a great living but I hate what I do. I feel empty inside and going to work everyday is like going to war. I cannot connect with people and their problems; I do not like defending criminals in court and looking for a way out for them when I know some of them deserve to go to jail or the electric chair. I am good at what I do and I am a very successful professional. I live an above average lifestyle; have a beautiful wife and two adoring children who are also addicted to the good life.  Me talking about leaving my job and doing something that I like better, something that I love that could feed by soul and spirit, does not go down well with my wife and son. My baby daughter who is 15 is the only one on my side. She says to me daddy you should do what you like. My wife says if I leave my job she’ll leave because she would never be able to raise her head again among her friends, she would be dropped by her friends because everything we have will be taken away and who wants to associate with a loser. I agree we are living on the hog but we carry a lot of debt because we like a million things and then s ‘more. I love to work with my hand and my dream was also to deal in antiques, refining old furniture and selling them is what would make me happy. But how do I go from a lawyer to an antique dealer. BTW I am a big fan of the Antiques Show. Pertinent information for you to know is that my wife does not work but she is a trained teacher. At the moment she is a stay at home mom. I’m the sole breadwinner.  Can I drop out of this rat race and live real? Your opinion matters, I may not take it but give it to me anyway.

Sync

Dear Out of sync,

Sounds like you do not like defending criminals and it’s getting you because you see yourself as part of the problem, setting criminals free. You have to figure out whether it is practicing law that’s not doing it for you or practicing criminal law. Second of all to feel fulfilled in life we have to follow our calling. If your calling is repairing and renewing old furniture then that’s what you have to do and I promise you that if you do it as well as you do law you will be rewarded financially, spiritually and emotionally. You just have to trust in that higher calling which is perhaps why you made this journey in this world.  Change does not come easy and because you have a family maybe you have to plan your way out so that it happens quickly.  Here’s a quick ten step plan:

1) Stop spending money on more

2) Pay off your debts

3) Live according to your means and not to impress the Jones

4) Discuss your goals with your family. If they love you they will support you. They would want you to be happy than miserable.

5)  Be enthusiastic about your plans so that your family can be excited as well. Sell it as a family business – the family will work together on this venture you’ll spend more time with your family and you will be a happier person to be around.

6) Find out all you can about antiques

7) If you need training, make time to do it part-time

8) Have a deadline e.g., a year, six month or what is comfortable for you to make the shift.

9) Suggest to your wife that as the business is getting started she could go out and find a job as a teacher to help out.

10) Keep your focus; see yourself in this role, happy, successful and still living the good life. Do it.

When our calling comes knocking we ignore it at our own peril. So do what you have to do, show your enthusiasm so that your family can share that with you. I have no doubt that you will be fine and your family the better for it.

I feel lost

Dear globalcounselor,

I am a 29 years old African Canadian woman and I feel as if I am getting no where career wise.  I am a university graduate but I cannot find the job that would be satisfying or in line with my qualification.  I am thinking of returning to university to do a Masters Degree but I am not certain what to study that would ensure that I get a job when I come out. Some days I feel so sad and lost because I don’t know what to do where to turn.  I send out lots of applications for jobs which I feel I am qualified for and I do not even get an interview.  When I apply for jobs as a sales clerk or receptionist I get called for interview.  Is that all my university degree guarantees?  I am still paying off my student loan for crying out loud.  I am a hard worker and I want to make a difference in the world and to live my life as I dream of.  What should I do?

Lost

Dear Lost:

First of all get yourself a life coach or a mentor. In some areas in Canada this service is offered free of charge.  Even if you have to invest some money in yourself it will be molney wiell spent.  The coach will be like a mirror and will be able to show you where the handicap is and what you need to do to move forward.

Secondly, find a mentor, someone you can bound ideas off and someone who will be honest with you. It has to be someone who in your view is successful and who may be able to introduce you to influential people.  A mentor is different from a life coach although the perform similar functions.  A life coach is a professional person whose job is to help you achieve your life goals, someone you have to pay for her services. A mentor is like a volunteer who has agreed to teach you the secrets of her success.  It is a more casual, fun relationship. She is someone who will be willing to teach you everything she knows in order for you to take what you need from it.  Is there anyone in your area whom you know and respect, why not ask them to be your mentor say for a year. 

Thirdly, know what turns you on.  What cries out for expression in your heart?  Follow that voice because it is your calling calling you. When we are in tune with our life’s purpose we are on our way to success, in fact we are successful.  Don’t think about money, prestige, or whether it makes sense, just do it and the Universe or the Creator will do the rest.

Going back to university without knowing what you want to accomplish will not help you get a job and be fulfilled. You will only rack up more debt  and not anywhere further in your career.  Do first things first. Find out what you want for yourself, get a mentor, invest in a life coach and let me know one year later where you’re at. That’s a challenge.

Good luck.

Benazir Bhutto

Dear globalcounselor,

When I heard of the assassination of Mrs. Bhutto, my heart skipped a beat. I am from Pakistani background and this family has been at the heart of our political life for as long as I can remember.  Mrs. Bhutto’s dad was also a prime minister and he was charged with corruption and sentenced and was hanged. Another brother was also killed. Mrs. Bhutto was living a comfortable life in Dubai but she returned home as if she had to. Life is very peculiar. I cannot understand it but I think some people are born for certain things and a fate that they cannot escape. I am sure she knew that her life would be in jeopardy but she chose to return because she sees the Pakistani people as her people and could not sit comfortably in another country while her people suffer under the foolish men that are trying to run the country amok. I think perhaps she waited until her children were old enough and before finishing the job she came for.  This is the only interpretation that makes sense to me and make me feel a little better. Mrs. Bhutto does not know me, does not even know I exist but I hold her so close in my heart that her death is like the death of my own mother. Why is that?

Lost

Dear Lost,

I too was shaken by this woman’s assassination. You are right, some of us are called to walk a certain path and perhaps Mrs. Bhutto was or she had something to prove. Sometimes our own egos get the better of us.  I am not suggesting that it was her ego. I truly feel she was trying to finish her father’s work and she was quite prepared to give her life for that. She was a determined, strong leader with a feeling for the ordinary people it seems.  Feeling as sad and lost as you are is natural.  She was your leader and we do come to feel about our leaders as we do our parents and in a way they are because they work to make our lives better, they say they care what happens to us and so we look up to them. When they are taken so suddently it leaves us feeling lost.

Take time to grieve your loss, time will heal your sadness.

Stalking Girlfriend

Dear globalcounselor,

I had a girlfriend when I was in high school but after a couple years it seems like we did not have anything more in common so we broke up.  I realized she was not the girl for me. She is beautiful and all that but I could not see myself spending the rest of my life with her. So we broke up. I broke it off to be truthful but she insisted we remain friends. I said okay to soften the blow.  Shortly after she left and moved with her dad to another city.  But she kept calling me and wanting to keep up an active friendship. I realized she was only doing that to get back with me. I told her in no uncertain terms that I don’t have time because I have a heavy course load University and I’d be tied up with university for many years.

She moved back to the city and has been calling me every day. I wish she would stop calling me and go back to live with her dad. Why can’t she understand that it is over. She calls my mom and tries to be friends with my friends from university. I feel she is stalking me and I wonder if she is ever going to understand that it is over.  What can I do to get through to her.  This is getting to me and affecting my studies.  I don’t like to be rude to a girl but I’ve been mean to her a couple times then I end up apologizing.

Stifled

Dear Stifled,

Sounds like you have a girlfriend who does not take no for an answer.  She is a stalker alright. With stalkers you have to  be cruel to be kind. You have to stop communication with her.  Do not encourage her in any way shape or form. If you have to be rude then so be it.

     Sometimes it is a mental issue.  She is obsessed with having what she cannot have and will see getting you back as a challenge to herself.    Tell your mom not to have any contact with her as well as that may only encourage her and give her hope.

   You, however, should tell her in no uncertain terms that it’s over. Say “I do not love you and I do not wish to be friends or have any relationship with you. Please do not call me , nor email me nor contact me again”.  If this does not work you may have to consider getting a restraining order.