Giving up my child for adoption

Dear globalcounselor,

I am 18 years old and have a two year old son. I love him dearly but I cannot give him the life he deserves. I am on social assistance and trying to go back to school to study nursing. I think if I keep my son, I will not be able to achieve success because it will be too hard for me. I feel so confined all the time, taking care of him and not having any fun.  Sometimes I cry a lot feeling pity for myself. My folks will not help me because my son was born out of wedlock and they say I have to learn my lesson. They do not want to have anything with me or their grandson. They said they are afraid to get close because he may be  have ADD since I did a bit of drugs when I was pregnant. I wish I could undo all the bad things I did but I can’t and my son is beautiful and he should not pay for my wrong doings. I am thinking of putting him up for adoption so that he could have a good life.  It is hard, I will miss him but I think it’s for the best. Do you think I am a horrible person, do you think I am making the right decision?

Torn up Inside

 

Dear Torn up Inside,

You are not a horrible person, you are not a bad person but you are a thinking responsible human being. You are trying to find the best way to resolve what you see as a bad situation. You want a better life but feels that with a child to raise by yourself this may not be possible. Giving up your son is a heroic thing to do. It is very difficult to raise a child as a single young person.  It is also very emotionally difficult to give up a child.  Once you give him up you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Maybe it might make you feel better to ensure that the home that he goes into will be a loving one, and with a family who really wants a child to complete their home. There are so many women who cannot give birth but badly wants to be a mother. You can give this gifts but I would strongly advise you to seek some supportive counseling, talk this through before making the final decision. Giving a child a good home is the responsibility of a mother and you are trying to do that. That’s not a bad thing.

 

Teen Pregnancy

Dear globalcounselor,

I am am a 16 year old  White girl and am pregnant. I know I cannot afford to keep my baby and I do not want to have an abortion. I saw the film Juno and I think the film was sweet. It was awesome how Juno was mature about giving up the baby but I wonder if it is that easy in real life. I want to do the same thing. I want to find a family I like to have my baby but I am afraid. What if I change my mind and what if I keep the baby and then regret it when I cannot go out partying with my friends or treat the baby badly because I am mad at it for robbing me of my youth. I am confused.  I have not told my parents about my pregnancy yet. I am only two and a half-months pregnant. I know they’ll be disappointed. I know I made a mistake but I want my life and to finish my education. I don’t want to me a mother yet. Help me.

Helpme

Dear Helpme:

You are too young to be dealing with this alone. You must tell your parents and get them involved in making the best decision for you and the baby.  They may be disappointed at first but they’ll come around if they truly love and care for you.  Make sure you let them know what you would like to do.  Maybe they may have some suggestions but if you do not like their suggestions, it’s your child and you do what your heart says is the best for your child. Some parents opt to adopt their own grandchildren so that they do not have to leave the family and be raised by strangers. You have to think whether that is what you want for your child and whether it is a good thing.  These are serious choices for a 16 year old but they are choices affecting another’s life and require you to give the matter serious all the consideration possible. You may also, in addition to your parents seek out the help of a professional counsellor. Community based organizations exist in most cities and towns that offer free counselling to girls in your situation.

I saw the film Juno and while it is a sweet film, it is only a film. It is never that easy in real life so you can forget about using Juno as a model.  I think you are a smart, intelligent girl who is trying to do the right thing and you will.  My final advice to you is to put the interest of your child first. Any decision you have to make, ask yourself the question, am I doing this for my child or is it to please someone else.  Good luck.