I am a 45-year-old man. I have been married to my wife for 15 years and we have two children. The first two years were my happiest but since then it has been downhill. I feel like an abused man but I do not know what is abuse. I have never told anyone about the way I feel but the more I read about women’s abuse I feel it describes my situation at home. I walk on eggshells around my wife because I am tired of hearing her scream abusive insults at me. My self-esteem is shot. I feel I can’t leave her because no one else would want a loser like me. She speaks to me like you wouldn’t even speak to your child. She orders me around and if her friends are around she would say go get this, shut up if I offer an opinion. I feel worse than our pet dog, she treats the dog like human then she wonders why she feels I am no longer attracted to her. I hate her but I cannot leave her. I feel trapped and dehumanized by my wife. The only thing she has not done is to try to hit me physically. I am so happy to go to work each day because there is compassion and respect with my colleagues. I believe that’s what keeps me going because some days I feel so down that there seems to be no point. I have tried talking to my wife about the way I feel and she says that I should be a man and stop whining. I have to leave but I need my children, how can I do this?
You seem to be in deep mess right now. You describe the classic sign of someone living in an abusive relationship. While a majority of people in abusive relationships are women there is a small minority of men who experience abuse as well and the effects are the same as it is for women living in abusive relationships. No one deserves to live in an abusive relationship. My advice to you is to get out of the relationship if your wife refuses to respect your feelings or is unwilling to change her behaviour. I think you need serious counselling to regain your self-esteem. If you choose to remain in the relationship you have to stand up to your wife and give her an ultimatum to attend counselling or end the marriage. You said you hate your wife and want out of the relationship. It could be that you hate her behaviour and not the woman you married. You’ve lived too long under the weight of this abuse and are now disconnected with your true feeling. You need to stop it now. How you do that? Find a counsellor start counselling immediately to bring some perspective on your life and why you are allowing your wife to treat you the way she is, give your wife an ultimatum, tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate her behaviour anymore, should there be an incident, call the police and get a police incident report. If this does not help, ask her to leave the home. Change the locks on the home and she will know that you are serious. This will be upsetting for the children but if they witnessed the way their mom treated you, they will understand. Children understand more than we give then credit for and they are generally fair peoplel.
I know this is a lot of information but what is happening to you is wrong and you do not have to take it anymore. You have to act or you will lose yourself completely as well as your children. Good luck.